A: I totally understand that seeing your daughter being left out could trigger a "mama bear" reaction. And it's important (and often quite challenging at times) for parents to separate our own reactions and feelings from our children's.
One way for you to begin that process is to take a close look at your daughter's behavior to see how she's feeling about this and coping with it. If she's upset occasionally but overall functioning just fine in her life (i.e. good attendance at school or work, a network of positive friendships, not abusing drugs or alcohol, etc.) then the first place to intervene here should probably be with your own upset feelings.
Therefore, I think the best you can do for her in this situation is to get tons of support for yourself so your feelings don't spill over onto her or cloud your perception. I know it's hard to see your precious daughter in emotional pain, but since we can't always prevent that from happening, we need to set a good example for our kids by handling situations like this with maximum maturity ourselves. And that's hard to do when our hearts are aching. Talking to a sympathetic listener can help.
My other suggestion would be to take your focus off of him completely, and instead devote your time and attention to being the best mom you can be for your daughter. Listen to her, connect with her, and have fun with her.
When she's upset, don't feel compelled to fix it for her. Instead, calm yourself and simply listen while she vents. Parents often find that if they can keep their cool and listen all the way through without intervening, their kids run out of emotional steam and just go merrily on with their day even though nothing has actually changed about the situation that was upsetting them.
Her relationship with her dad will work itself out one way or another in time. Don't give this situation the power or opportunity to derail your own connection with your daughter.
I hope this helps!
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