It's a screaming match every time I ask my 8 year old son to get ready for wrestling practice. His dad is passionate about wrestling, and wants our boys to wrestle. But getting him to go to practice is driving me crazy. I told him he needs to go to practice to stay active, but he doesn't have to compete in tournaments. That was ok for a few weeks, but now he doesn't even want to do that. I don't know if this is a power struggle, if he truly hates it, if I should give in or be persistent. All I know is I am so tired of fighting him before every practice. Any advice is very welcome.
This is a terrific question, and I know many other parents will relate to your dilemma. Thanks for submitting it.
It's only natural, and even a very good sign, that you feel confused about what to do right now. There's still some information that needs to be gathered. Good for you for not jumping to premature conclusions!
You mentioned that his dad is passionate about wrestling. Is your son? If he's not, then there are no parenting tricks or techniques that can overcome his natural and appropriate resistance to spending his leisure time doing something he doesn't enjoy.
You might start by asking your son about his experience. "Son, it seems you really don't want to go to practice lately, and I hate arguing with you so much. What's up?"
Listen to his response quietly and attentively, without interrupting or trying to convince him to see it your way. He may not give you a complete answer right away. If that's the case, you can say, "That's okay son. Just think it over for a while, and if there's anything you want to tell me later, I'd like to hear it. I'm sure we can figure this out together."
Sometimes kids can't identify the source of their reluctance out of the blue, but can respond yes or no to a checklist that you present. If that's the case, just take some guesses, and his acceptance or denial of your probes might prime his pump a little bit.
When he finally does tell you what's up, repeat it to him in your own words to make sure you've understood it accurately. Then let him know that you want to share where you are coming from.
You might start by telling him that you know what it's like to want to quit something when the going gets tough, because you have felt that way, too. And that sometimes you were glad you stuck with whatever it was, because you ended up really liking it once you figured out how to solve the problem you were having. And other times, you were just really happy to quit and do something else instead. Let him know that's why you have been pushing him to keep attending practice; because you want him to stick with it long enough to see if he loves it or not.
You are not looking for his agreement or trying to convince him to do anything ... simply letting him know where you are coming from.
Then fill him in on why you and his dad wanted him to wrestle in the first place. Still not with the intention of convincing him to change his mind; simply so he can hear your values and understand your reasoning. Some examples: Dad loved this sport so much when he was a kid and he thought you might love it too... We want to make sure you get some exercise... We thought you should learn how to defend yourself ... We wanted you to have a team experience ... etc.
Keep it brief and simple, and then ask what he thinks about what you just told him.
If he tells you that he just plain and simple does not like wrestling, together you can brainstorm some other ways for him to enjoy physical activity, get some exercise, learn self-defense, or play a team sport. (soccer or karate come to mind)
It may be that he does like to wrestle, but somebody made fun of him, or grabbed him in an uncomfortable place, or the competition is too intense and he's ashamed when he loses, or he is embarrassed about wearing the tight little uniform ... you get the idea. The possibilities are infinite, and he's the only one who can tell you what is going on for him.
After you each know where the other is coming from, you ask, "What can we do?" And you work together on generating some win-win solutions.
Some examples:
talking to the coach, moving to a different wrestling team, doing karate instead, role playing what he can say to other kids who make fun of him, showing him pictures of his dad looking silly in his old uniform, reading some books about winning and losing ... once again, infinite possibilities.
You don't have to have a plan all mapped out before you sit down with him. You can just find out what's up for him, tell him what's up for you, and then work together to figure out a solution that satisfies both of you.
Then try out the new plan, and see how it goes. If it doesn't work well for either of you, generate some more options together and keep experimenting until you find a solution that does.
The lesson he will learn from this process:
Together, we can solve any problem.
Sounds a lot like team spirit and good sportsmanship, doesn't it? Way to go, Mom!
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit www.karenalonge.com
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Will this movie be too much for my child?
This site can help you make an educated guess about whether a movie might be too disturbing for your kids or not: http://www.kids-in-mind.com/
They rate movies using "three objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE & PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10. We also explain in detail why a film rates high or low in a specific category, and we include instances of SUBSTANCE USE, a list of DISCUSSION TOPICS that may elicit questions from kids and MESSAGES the film conveys."
this makes so much more sense than G or PG ratings based on age. since some kids are more sensitive and susceptible than others, these ratings let parents make better-informed decisions.
this would have been a real boon to have around when my kids were younger. might have spared me several sleepless nights of post-nightmare comforting.
It, uhhh, might even have been helpful earlier than that. I am still anxious about showering in hotel rooms (thank you Psycho) and afraid to swim in the ocean (Jaws). And don't even get me started on The Birds ...
I need this site for myself!
http://www.kids-in-mind.com/
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit www.karenalonge.com
They rate movies using "three objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE & PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10. We also explain in detail why a film rates high or low in a specific category, and we include instances of SUBSTANCE USE, a list of DISCUSSION TOPICS that may elicit questions from kids and MESSAGES the film conveys."
this makes so much more sense than G or PG ratings based on age. since some kids are more sensitive and susceptible than others, these ratings let parents make better-informed decisions.
this would have been a real boon to have around when my kids were younger. might have spared me several sleepless nights of post-nightmare comforting.
It, uhhh, might even have been helpful earlier than that. I am still anxious about showering in hotel rooms (thank you Psycho) and afraid to swim in the ocean (Jaws). And don't even get me started on The Birds ...
I need this site for myself!
http://www.kids-in-mind.com/
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit www.karenalonge.com
book review: Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch
The good folks over at www.justonemorebook.com asked me to submit a review of my favorite children's book. They wanted an audio file, so I wrote up this script and recorded it on their voice input line. Figured I might as well share it with you, too ...
Somebody Loves you, Mr. Hatch
Written by Eileen Spinelli
Illustrated by Paul Yalowitz
It's a picture book, so probably targeted at age 3-7 yrs or so, but the story is timeless and ageless. It's still on my bookshelf even though my kids are now teenagers because I love to read it myself ...
This book begins with bland but endearing illustrations that depict the boring and predictable life of Mr. Hatch, a loner who works in a shoelace factory. He is tall and thin, and does not smile. Day after day he lives the same monotonous routine. He has no friends at all. "He keeps to himself." That is what everyone said about Mr. Hatch.
Then one day, a package is delivered to his door. Inside is a huge heart-shaped box full of chocolates, and a note that says somebody loves you. He is so surprised and intrigued and flattered that he does something he's never done before -- he puts on some after shave and goes for a walk. "Maybe," he thinks, "I will meet the person who sent me the candy."
He proceeds to interact cheerfully with the all the people he used to ignore. He helps the local shopkeepers, bakes brownies for the neighbor kids, and makes friends. I love this part of the story -- nothing in the town has changed, but because he changed his thinking, his experience of life changes, too. Each new person he meets could be his Secret Admirer, so he treats everyone as if they are, just in case. And they treat him well in return!
Until that fateful day when the mail carrier tells him there's been a mistake. The package was not addressed to him. The illustrations become grey again as he turns away from the colorful and connected life he'd been living, and becomes a lonely loner again.
But when his new friends get wind of what happened, they cook up a surprise that brings a tear to my eye every time I read it. I don't want to give away the happy ending, so read it for yourself and see. I know you'll be glad you did.
Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch, by Eileen Spinelli
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit www.karenalonge.com
Somebody Loves you, Mr. Hatch
Written by Eileen Spinelli
Illustrated by Paul Yalowitz
It's a picture book, so probably targeted at age 3-7 yrs or so, but the story is timeless and ageless. It's still on my bookshelf even though my kids are now teenagers because I love to read it myself ...
This book begins with bland but endearing illustrations that depict the boring and predictable life of Mr. Hatch, a loner who works in a shoelace factory. He is tall and thin, and does not smile. Day after day he lives the same monotonous routine. He has no friends at all. "He keeps to himself." That is what everyone said about Mr. Hatch.
Then one day, a package is delivered to his door. Inside is a huge heart-shaped box full of chocolates, and a note that says somebody loves you. He is so surprised and intrigued and flattered that he does something he's never done before -- he puts on some after shave and goes for a walk. "Maybe," he thinks, "I will meet the person who sent me the candy."
He proceeds to interact cheerfully with the all the people he used to ignore. He helps the local shopkeepers, bakes brownies for the neighbor kids, and makes friends. I love this part of the story -- nothing in the town has changed, but because he changed his thinking, his experience of life changes, too. Each new person he meets could be his Secret Admirer, so he treats everyone as if they are, just in case. And they treat him well in return!
Until that fateful day when the mail carrier tells him there's been a mistake. The package was not addressed to him. The illustrations become grey again as he turns away from the colorful and connected life he'd been living, and becomes a lonely loner again.
But when his new friends get wind of what happened, they cook up a surprise that brings a tear to my eye every time I read it. I don't want to give away the happy ending, so read it for yourself and see. I know you'll be glad you did.
Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch, by Eileen Spinelli
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit www.karenalonge.com
Sunday, January 18, 2009
teenage drinking
My 16 year old son goes out and drinks too much with his friends. He's a good student, star athlete, and a belligerent and nasty drunk. I'm afraid he may be depressed. We have a good relationship, and I have told him my concerns, but he dismisses me, saying, "Everyone gets drunk, Mom. Back off." What can I do?
Sounds like you've been very conscientious about expressing your concerns to him, and so far, he's responded with resistance, defensiveness, and counter-attack. I love that you phrased it "my concerns" rather than "his problem." This tells me you are already aware of the importance of using I-messages and taking personal responsibility in your communication -- and probably explains why you still have a good relationship with him. Good for you!
I agree that underage drinking is a serious concern, and you may indeed be right that he's depressed. I wonder if it might be time for a different approach.
Think of the current dynamic as a tug-of-war between the two of you. You shouldn't drink vs. I'll do what I want. While you are trying to pull him over into seeing things your way, the battle is about autonomy, not drinking. I'd be very surprised if he responded with, "Yeah, you're right Mom. I do turn into a monster when I drink. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. What should I do next?"
Getting him to see your side hasn't worked. Maybe it's time to drop the rope and stand next to him on his side, to see what it's like over there. To work together effectively as a team, it might help if you understood why drinking appeals to him.
I'm thinking you could say something like this:
Son, I've already told you I'm concerned about your drinking. What I haven't told you lately is that I know you are a smart kid with a very bright future, and I've seen you make lots of really good decisions for yourself. You must have decided that something makes drinking worth the risk to you. Clearly, that's not something that I or anyone else can decide for you, and even though I'm scared about what the consequences of this choice might be for you, I'm not going to try to convince you to change your mind.
If you are open to it, I'd love to tell you about my concerns, so I feel like I'm doing a good job as your mom. I also would love to hear about your decision if you want to share it with me. I want to understand your perspective.
What's magical about this kind of approach is that it directs the spotlight of his attention away from resisting you, and onto self-examination. That's right where we want it to be. He may not open up all at once, of course. It might be a while before he trusts that you are truly not going to pick up that rope again and tell him he's wrong.
It's sort of like if our kids know we are not gonna question them constantly about their choices, they make them more carefully. When people are over my shoulder watching me work, I make a ton of mistakes because I am nervous. When they leave, I relax, and am far more likely to catch and correct my own mistakes.
Sound the fire alarm by respectfully sharing your concerns, and then get out of the way so he can put the fire out himself (by changing his behavior). If he asks you for help, then by all means, jump to his side.
We simply cannot reasonably expect to control our 16 year old's behavior anymore. Teenagers will inevitably experiment. They have to -- they need experiences in order to learn.
Parents can be the safe place where they can process that learning. We want them to see us as a resource to help them sort out their choices and the consequences. See if you can position yourself as a teammate, not an adversary. Let him have an opinion that is different than yours on this drinking issue. That doesn't mean you agree with him or endorse his behavior. It does mean that when he's not so busy fighting off your opinion, he has some time and energy to look at what drinking is doing to him.
I hope this is helpful.
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
Sounds like you've been very conscientious about expressing your concerns to him, and so far, he's responded with resistance, defensiveness, and counter-attack. I love that you phrased it "my concerns" rather than "his problem." This tells me you are already aware of the importance of using I-messages and taking personal responsibility in your communication -- and probably explains why you still have a good relationship with him. Good for you!
I agree that underage drinking is a serious concern, and you may indeed be right that he's depressed. I wonder if it might be time for a different approach.
Think of the current dynamic as a tug-of-war between the two of you. You shouldn't drink vs. I'll do what I want. While you are trying to pull him over into seeing things your way, the battle is about autonomy, not drinking. I'd be very surprised if he responded with, "Yeah, you're right Mom. I do turn into a monster when I drink. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. What should I do next?"
Getting him to see your side hasn't worked. Maybe it's time to drop the rope and stand next to him on his side, to see what it's like over there. To work together effectively as a team, it might help if you understood why drinking appeals to him.
I'm thinking you could say something like this:
Son, I've already told you I'm concerned about your drinking. What I haven't told you lately is that I know you are a smart kid with a very bright future, and I've seen you make lots of really good decisions for yourself. You must have decided that something makes drinking worth the risk to you. Clearly, that's not something that I or anyone else can decide for you, and even though I'm scared about what the consequences of this choice might be for you, I'm not going to try to convince you to change your mind.
If you are open to it, I'd love to tell you about my concerns, so I feel like I'm doing a good job as your mom. I also would love to hear about your decision if you want to share it with me. I want to understand your perspective.
What's magical about this kind of approach is that it directs the spotlight of his attention away from resisting you, and onto self-examination. That's right where we want it to be. He may not open up all at once, of course. It might be a while before he trusts that you are truly not going to pick up that rope again and tell him he's wrong.
It's sort of like if our kids know we are not gonna question them constantly about their choices, they make them more carefully. When people are over my shoulder watching me work, I make a ton of mistakes because I am nervous. When they leave, I relax, and am far more likely to catch and correct my own mistakes.
Sound the fire alarm by respectfully sharing your concerns, and then get out of the way so he can put the fire out himself (by changing his behavior). If he asks you for help, then by all means, jump to his side.
We simply cannot reasonably expect to control our 16 year old's behavior anymore. Teenagers will inevitably experiment. They have to -- they need experiences in order to learn.
Parents can be the safe place where they can process that learning. We want them to see us as a resource to help them sort out their choices and the consequences. See if you can position yourself as a teammate, not an adversary. Let him have an opinion that is different than yours on this drinking issue. That doesn't mean you agree with him or endorse his behavior. It does mean that when he's not so busy fighting off your opinion, he has some time and energy to look at what drinking is doing to him.
I hope this is helpful.
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
Thursday, January 15, 2009
in the eyes of the beholder
I thought this comment in response to my post about children not wanting to spend time with their non-custodial parent warranted an entirely new post. I have edited it for brevity and clarity:
[to the commenter: please accept my apology for the delay. the email notification of your comment must have gotten lost in cyberspace, and I just stumbled upon this in the 'awaiting moderation' file.]
I am the "current squeeze" in this situation. She's right in saying these are two amazing girls. And I couldn't agree more with the father who also posted his comment. Karen, I appreciated your resistence to jumping on the "ain't he awful bandwagon" as I'm sure you know there are always two sides to every story.
Yes ... and more than just two sides to every story! I believe there are as many perspectives as there are perceivers.
The comment ends with:
I'm thankful to have them all in my life and if I have to deal with her for the next 10 years then so-be-it... It's worth it to me to have fun and share time with them when we are all together. I can separate the reality of the situation and how she likes to present it to others.
But emotional reactions don't stop when the divorce is over, and they can have a powerful influence on perception. Custodial parents may overdramatize the children's reactions, or unconsciously encourage whining and complaining by pouring on the attention and sympathy. Sometimes, they project their own issues with the other parent onto the child, and have a hard time allowing the child's relationship with the other parent to be separate from their own. It happens. Joint custody is a challenging situation, and often brings out the worst in people before it brings out the best.
And that's why it's so important that we keep our attention firmly anchored on being the best parent we can be, and not get caught up in "ain't he awful-izing." No matter which side of the situation you are on, you can listen to your children's perceptions, empathize without egging them on or adding drama, and then get back to having fun together.
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
[to the commenter: please accept my apology for the delay. the email notification of your comment must have gotten lost in cyberspace, and I just stumbled upon this in the 'awaiting moderation' file.]
I am the "current squeeze" in this situation. She's right in saying these are two amazing girls. And I couldn't agree more with the father who also posted his comment. Karen, I appreciated your resistence to jumping on the "ain't he awful bandwagon" as I'm sure you know there are always two sides to every story.
Yes ... and more than just two sides to every story! I believe there are as many perspectives as there are perceivers.
The comment ends with:
I'm thankful to have them all in my life and if I have to deal with her for the next 10 years then so-be-it... It's worth it to me to have fun and share time with them when we are all together. I can separate the reality of the situation and how she likes to present it to others.
Quantum physics tells us that it's impossible to observe anything without affecting it, and therefore there is no objective 'reality' out there that some of us have access to and others are deluded about. In a very literal way, we are each living in our own little bubbles, perceiving and interpreting everything through our own filters of beliefs and experiences.
We tend to prefer the company of those with bubbles that are similar to ours. Who doesn't love being agreed with? I sure do! However, most of the time, The Ex lives in a VERY different kind of bubble. (Which is probably at least part of the reason why we chose to get divorced in the first place, right?) And in order to coparent the children we created together, we gotta deal with The Ex and his or her bubble for many more years.
If we can acknowledge that each of us will see things differently, we can let go of the need to convince each other that one is right and the other is wrong. This leaves us with more energy to invest in deciding what to do given that we don't see eye to eye. Productive solutions can indeed be generated from a platform of 'agreeing to disagree'. I see it all the time.
In fact, I could take this even a little farther, and say that productive solutions often cannot be generated until we agree to disagree! It's sort of job one. Which feels better: "We see this differently, but I think we can still find a course of action that will satisfy both of us," or, "I won't budge until you agree that I'm right!"
When people write to me, they are sharing their perspective. I respond to that, realizing that someone else involved in the situation may, of course, have a much different take on it.
In joint custody situations, sometimes the custodial parent is not supportive of a healthy relationship with the other parent. Sometimes they still feel hurt, angry, or guilty. Sometimes, a stressed and frazzled mom worries that her children might love their new stepmom more than her. Some mothers grieve that another woman is spending the time with her children that she wishes she could have. And sometimes not.But emotional reactions don't stop when the divorce is over, and they can have a powerful influence on perception. Custodial parents may overdramatize the children's reactions, or unconsciously encourage whining and complaining by pouring on the attention and sympathy. Sometimes, they project their own issues with the other parent onto the child, and have a hard time allowing the child's relationship with the other parent to be separate from their own. It happens. Joint custody is a challenging situation, and often brings out the worst in people before it brings out the best.
And that's why it's so important that we keep our attention firmly anchored on being the best parent we can be, and not get caught up in "ain't he awful-izing." No matter which side of the situation you are on, you can listen to your children's perceptions, empathize without egging them on or adding drama, and then get back to having fun together.
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
Thursday, January 8, 2009
teenagers and designer clothes
My 16 year old daughter wants to wear designer jeans that cost $100. We live on a very tight budget, and can barely afford to buy clothes at Walmart. When I tell her I can't buy the expensive jeans, she gets angry and upset and says that these are the only jeans that fit and make her "look good and not fat." When I asked her if there was anywhere else we could shop that wasn't so expensive, she just yelled, "No dad! Just stop talking about it!" She always thinks I am mad, (or want her to be mad at me), when I don't -- I just want to be able to talk to her. I always get that attitude every single time, even though I talk very calmly and never get mad at her. Please help.
Great idea to look for somewhere that she can get clothes that she likes at prices that won't break the budget! That was one terrific option.
As a woman, I can tell you that I definitely understand her claim that some pants make her look better than others. Marshall's or TJ Maxx often carry designer clothes at more reasonable prices. There are also some consignment stores that carry only designer clothes which are much cheaper than new.
Luckily, since she's 16, she's old enough to get a job so she can pay for the clothes she wants. Especially if she works at a clothing store, where she can get a discount!
Maybe you can resolve this by letting her know exactly how much you are willing to contribute to her clothing budget, and then letting her decide with no input from you how she wants to spend that money. If it's not enough to get what she wants, she can babysit or get a job to pay for the balance.
That way, she regains some control, and your contribution happens all at once so you don't have to have this conversation all the time. That might make it easier for you to switch roles, from 'the provider who dispenses cash and must be convinced to give her what she wants' into 'the good listener who can help her brainstorm ideas so she can get what she wants on her own.'
It might also open up the lines of communication again if you don't try to talk her into seeing things your way, but instead make sure you are trying to see things from her perspective. You don't have to agree with her in order to be a good listener. Just let her know you hear and understand what she is saying, and that it's okay for her to feel that way, and that you'll help her earn the extra money if you can. You might offer to let your coworkers know that she's available to babysit, or help her make posters, or drive her to fill out job applications, or something like that. These aren't suggestions you try to convince her to accept though, just kind offerings that she is free to take or not.
It might sound like this: "Honey, I hear you that you really like how those jeans fit you. I will give you $X for clothes, which is what we would spend at Walmart. You can decide where, when, and what to spend it on. If it's not enough to get the clothes you want, I can help you brainstorm some ways to earn the extra money if you'd like."
Good luck, and I hope this helps!
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
Great idea to look for somewhere that she can get clothes that she likes at prices that won't break the budget! That was one terrific option.
As a woman, I can tell you that I definitely understand her claim that some pants make her look better than others. Marshall's or TJ Maxx often carry designer clothes at more reasonable prices. There are also some consignment stores that carry only designer clothes which are much cheaper than new.
Luckily, since she's 16, she's old enough to get a job so she can pay for the clothes she wants. Especially if she works at a clothing store, where she can get a discount!
Maybe you can resolve this by letting her know exactly how much you are willing to contribute to her clothing budget, and then letting her decide with no input from you how she wants to spend that money. If it's not enough to get what she wants, she can babysit or get a job to pay for the balance.
That way, she regains some control, and your contribution happens all at once so you don't have to have this conversation all the time. That might make it easier for you to switch roles, from 'the provider who dispenses cash and must be convinced to give her what she wants' into 'the good listener who can help her brainstorm ideas so she can get what she wants on her own.'
It might also open up the lines of communication again if you don't try to talk her into seeing things your way, but instead make sure you are trying to see things from her perspective. You don't have to agree with her in order to be a good listener. Just let her know you hear and understand what she is saying, and that it's okay for her to feel that way, and that you'll help her earn the extra money if you can. You might offer to let your coworkers know that she's available to babysit, or help her make posters, or drive her to fill out job applications, or something like that. These aren't suggestions you try to convince her to accept though, just kind offerings that she is free to take or not.
It might sound like this: "Honey, I hear you that you really like how those jeans fit you. I will give you $X for clothes, which is what we would spend at Walmart. You can decide where, when, and what to spend it on. If it's not enough to get the clothes you want, I can help you brainstorm some ways to earn the extra money if you'd like."
Good luck, and I hope this helps!
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
Friday, January 2, 2009
season of sharing
This info came to me a little too late for this holiday season, but it's timeless, so it'll wait til next year.
To encourage philanthropy and take the 'season of giving' to the next level, I heard about some folks who gifted the youngsters in their family with two checks -- one made out to the child, and the other, a share-check, made out for $25 with the pay to the order of line left blank.
The intention is that the child makes the check out to a charity or deserving recipient of his or her choice. Isn't that beautiful? Wouldn't it be fun to spend time with a child talking about whatever cause is near and dear to her heart, and helping her find a related charity to donate to? The possibilities are infinite. Gives me goose bumps.
The share-check is a wonderful way to multiply the joy of the holiday season by sharing the pleasure of giving together. The amount doesn't really matter. When times are tough, it's more important than ever to give a child the power and opportunity to contribute. Even $5 can make a difference.
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
To encourage philanthropy and take the 'season of giving' to the next level, I heard about some folks who gifted the youngsters in their family with two checks -- one made out to the child, and the other, a share-check, made out for $25 with the pay to the order of line left blank.
The intention is that the child makes the check out to a charity or deserving recipient of his or her choice. Isn't that beautiful? Wouldn't it be fun to spend time with a child talking about whatever cause is near and dear to her heart, and helping her find a related charity to donate to? The possibilities are infinite. Gives me goose bumps.
The share-check is a wonderful way to multiply the joy of the holiday season by sharing the pleasure of giving together. The amount doesn't really matter. When times are tough, it's more important than ever to give a child the power and opportunity to contribute. Even $5 can make a difference.
For more information about Karen's parenting consultations, click here or visit http://www.karenalonge.com/
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